Hi everyone!

Welcome back to Little Notes! <3

I have been quite poorly and unfortunately my darling dog Jack Jack passed away suddenly hence the lack of posting. This week I thought I would write about grief, quite a cheery topic I know and I am hesitant to post about it but it was on my list anyway and the time is probably right. This post is quite personal but it is important to share when you are struggling. Sidenote: This is my take on it and I know others feel differently about it. <3

Grief is a funny old thing, I would say I have dealt with it quite closely in the last few years and I have been reading many quotes in how to deal with this horrible thing and I have two which I will share:

‘Grief is love with nowhere to go’

‘Grief is like glitter at first. It's everywhere and messy and there is no way to clear it all up and it is overwhelming. Then over time when it's cleared and everything is normal again you'll still find small pieces hidden in wallets, down the side of sofas, in pockets but it's manageable and you can see how beautiful it is again.’

I am unsure of the original writers of either but they both symbolise something and made me feel better. The part I miss most about Jack is his constant badgering for cuddles, he was always next to you nudging for attention. My family and I used to joke that he acted as if he had not been stroked all day, it was never enough, he just wanted to be cuddled all the time. He was a perfect dog, we bonded so much since Buddy passed and he really healed my whole family through it. I know losing a dog is far from losing a family member, but Jack was the centre of our family. It has only been a week since we lost him and I know it will get easier but right now the heartache feels never ending. It makes me feel better knowing they are reunited again. <3

The hardest part of grief is when the flowers and messages stop. When people stop asking how you are because time has passed. But in reality there is no timeline and as my sister in law keeps saying ‘peaks and troughs’ you have to keep riding the wave. It is going to hurt for a while, but eventually you can look back and realise, I saw a picture and did not cry, I spoke about them without getting upset. This isn’t you forgetting them, it is healing.

Last year one of my family members suffered a heart attack whilst I was away at university. They recovered thankfully but I think this type of grief is not talked about enough. It changed everything, suddenly the person you thought was invincible wasn’t anymore. I suffered after, always expecting a phone call with bad news or coming home thinking something had happened. My family deal with any difficult situation with dark humour (and lots of alcohol), but in reality it was something really scary. When you come close to losing someone it makes you appreciate everything after.

Grief comes in waves, one minute you think you are fine and the next you are inconsolable. The best way to get through it is to let yourself feel. Do not hold back the tears, be angry, be confused and talk about it. Bottling up your feelings is only delaying the inevitable. Be grateful for the time you had with them. My way of dealing with it is just having a good old sob and talking about it even if you have said the same things over and over! Doing this post does not in any way mean I know how to deal with grief because I don’t think anyone does. Each person has their own coping mechanisms.

Anyway, thank you for reading.

Back to usual posting and less depressing topics next time.

Until the next little note,

K

<3